Which Athlete Will Earn The Best Bacon Above Replacement Of All Time?

Philadelphia Flyers’ Claude Giroux (28) talks to a linesman during an NHL hockey game against the Pittsburgh Penguins in Pittsburgh, Sunday, March 26, 2017. (AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar)

Sports are consumed with numbers that reveal vital trends. For example, baseball expresses player value with Wins Above Replacement (WAR), a single number which summarizes an individual’s contribution to their team.

The world of competitive bacon lacks in-depth statistics, making empirical analysis of this sacred meat next to impossible.

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Until now.

The geniuses at Online Sports Betting have devised a valuable new perspective on bacon: Bacon Above Replacement (BAR).

After crunching a century of numbers from major sports leagues and competitions, the leader in Bacon Above Replacement (BAR) was determined to be William “The Refrigerator” Perry. His innovative physique – fueled by bacon – lead to the creation of “Big Man Touchdowns” in the NFL, resulting in a BAR score of 97.80.

Let’s look at five modern athletes who love bacon, with the best odds of overtaking The Fridge for best BAR in the history of sports.

Dwayne Bacon – Basketball

Potential BAR: 98.10

Odds Of Best BAR: +2300

Dwayne Bacon enjoys an unfair advantage over most athletes who seek the best BAR in history, simply because his last name reflects the achievement he wishes to accomplish. As a rookie with the Charlotte Hornets, Bacon has gotten off to a strong start, breaking the rookie record for BAR after less than two months in the NBA.

One of the greatest trends for Dwayne would be the number of sports journalists who write,  whenever he performs well, that “Bacon sizzles on court.”

Claude Giroux – Hockey

Potential BAR: 98.72

Odds Of Best BAR: +1700

Captain Claude Giroux hails from Canada, where bacon is the unofficial national meat. He’s been the heart and soul of the Philadelphia Flyers for nine years, attempting to create the Philly Canadian Bacon Cheesesteak during his time with the hockey club.

He admits preference for American bacon, much to the chagrin of America’s Hat. This betrayal to his homeland improves his odds of finishing his career with the best BAR, endearing him further to an American audience.

Jeff Francoeur – Baseball

Potential BAR: 98.90

Odds Of Best BAR: +1300

Jeff is a journeyman outfielder who has spread his love of bacon across nine cities in the United States, conducting an extended tour across America to increase the chances of landing in the Bacon Hall Of Fame, next to the lesser known baseball variant in Cooperstown.

Francoeur’s greatest bacon achievement consists of delivering 20 bacon pizzas to Oakland A’s fans after they saved him a plate on “Bacon Tuesday” – a celebrated East Bay tradition. He played for the enemy Kansas City Royals at the time, making him an incredible bacon ambassador.

Lolo Jones – 100 Meter Hurdles & Bobsled

Potential BAR: 99.97

Odds Of Best BAR: +700

Lolo sprinted up the Olympic bacon charts when she transitioned from the hurdles to the bobsled. While competing in track and field, she became frustrated with the lack of bacon involved in the sport. Her world opened up when she discovered the utility of bacon when competing in bobsled.

Whereas weight is the enemy in hurdles, Lolo Jones mentioned that “in bobsled, I can have double-bacon cheeseburgers”. In addition to extra power and deliciousness, bacon provides the extra weight needed to make her bobsled team careen down the ice at faster speeds.

Martellus Bennett – American Football

Potential BAR: 101.12

Odds Of Best BAR: +330

Another elite athlete who prefers American bacon over Canadian bacon, Martellus Bennett shared his love of the best meat on earth by repeating the word ‘bacon’ 32 times during an interview while he was with the New England Patriots. As such, he has the best chance of supplanting The Fridge for the highest BAR of all time.

He discovered, the very next year, that the front office of the Green Bay Packers did not appreciate his love of bacon, or his shoulder injury. After the Cheeseheads released him from his contract, he promptly returned to New England, where the team welcomed him with open arms and hot bacon smoothies.

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